the answer is by not deny it for the first step.

I wonder how I always wrote in my journal only when I get sad or angry or anything with the worst feeling. haha . . it makes me realize that I'm not the grateful-type person.

I once denied when a friends of mine told me that I'm a very defensive one. but well, that is so fucking true, unfortunately for me. .

I sometimes think that my life is a miserably mess . .and I'm the only one cause it.

but how could I change it fast if it always be a me for the last 21 years of my life, not thaaaat easy I think